Sorry an update's been so long in comin y'all, nothing much interesting has been happening(unlike certain blogs I subscribe to).  I'm really not using this site much anymore, Facebook is the better place to get a hold of me.  As such, while I'm keeping the site active, don't expect anything from me but comments on other people's blogs.

Currently Listening Once Upon a Shattered Life By Seventh Day Slumber see related

Have you ever felt like you were a complete failure?  Not at all of life, but in certain areas.  Like you were almost completely worthless as a human being, because of this failing?  Ever wondered why?  Why you were here, why the Lord left you here, why the agony couldn't just end, why you couldn't be normal, just in this one aspect?  Ever wondered what your purpose is, and wanted nothing so much as to fulfill it and go to heaven, but being stuck here on this world, not knowing, just suffering?  Wanted, desperately wanted, things to change, but been completely ignorant of acceptable ways to go about it, and powerless to do so even if you knew?  Wondered if anyone would understand, if anyone could understand?  Or even if they cared?  Gotten to the point where you expect an answer along the lines of 'Oh, cheer up, it'll get better one day.'  and wanted to put your head through a wall eevery time you heard it.  Just wished these people could walk a day in your shoes and see how 'cheerful' they'd be.  Felt like maybe you shouldn't have worried about college, just joined the army and gone to war, since maybe there you could help some people, even if it ended up granting you that release you wished you could find here?  I jut wish my life had significance, that aI meant something to someone.  That I could confidently call someone my friend and know they'd list me among their friends.  That for once I wouldn't be overlooked, forgotten.  Do any of you understand, or care, or even read this?  I am I talking to no one but me and God?  I feel like it.  It just feels like no one cares, I'm worthless, I'm lucky to have people even pretend to be my friends, or that they would be so magnanimous as to speak kindly to a poor excuse for a human being like myself.  But I'd rather they not speak to me at all than to say one thing to my and another behind my back, even when I'm still in earshot.  Bloody hypocrites.  Don't lie to me people, tell me the truth.  I'd much prefer to hear that you think I'm a paranoid schizophrenic with bypolar disorder than 'oh cheer up, you'll be fine' *whisper* @#$^#*% weirdo, don't you wish he'd just go away? *whisper*.  Why does my life have to remind me of a favorite song of mine, Boulevard of Broken Dreams?

Currently Listening Collide By Skillet Imperfection see related

The Story of My Life

Ran across this a  while back, it's hilarious to me, in part because it describes me so well:

"When a girl says she just wants to be friends with you that's like a company saying, 'Well, you have all the qualifications for the job, but were not going to hire you anyway. Instead we will use your resume as a basis for comparison of all applicants, but in the end we will hire someone vastly inferior. And from time to time we will call you and complain about the guy we hired, but we still won't hire you.'"

Now, that's only actually been said to me 2 or 3 times, but it basically sums up my interaction with women, I'm always the friend, and can never be more.  Perhaps that's just God's will for my life, and if so I'll live with it, but I can't honestly say I'll be happy about it.  I sincerely hope that's not his will for me.  Maybe ya'll have an answer for me.  What is it about me that seems to make me so completely impossible as an option for any of my friends?  Is this just something natural that'll never change, or is there something I can do about it without compromising who I am?

Daily Words of Wisdom, this time found on a Roman Tombstone:

Fui.  Non sum.  Non curo.

  I was.  I am not.  I don't care.

Currently Listening Wire By Third Day I Will Hold My Head High see related

Well, here's my schedule, for those people out there who might think of calling me, however few they might be:

Chapel 10:00-10:50 Tuesday

Intro to ROTC 1:00-1:50 Monday

Liberal Arts 2:00-2:50 Tuesday, Thursday

Honors Contemporary World  9:00-9:50 Monday, Wednesday, Friday

Honors Bible Survey 8:30-9:45 Tuesday Thursday

Elementary Latin I 2:00-3:15 Monday Wednesday

Pickleball 11:00-11:50 Tuesday Thursday

World History to 1600 10:00-10:50 Monday Wednesday Friday

 I was supposed to have American History to 1877 from 11:00-11:50 Monday Wednesday Friday, but they left it off my schedule, so I may or may not have them add it back.  16 hours instead of 19 and getting out an hour earlier on friday looks pretty good to me.

Hey, go to this sight: http://typelogic.com  find the personality quizzes and tell me what you got.  I'm either an ISFJ or ISTJ.  Read the descriptions, do you think those fit me?  I do, they're rather eerily accurate, to me, at least.

I miss home.  More than that, I miss my friends.  Stay in touch, ya'll.  And answer your phones, or at least call me back.  If I don't know your cell number leave it in a comment so we can talk sometime.  And Thomas, if you read this, I've lost where I wrote yours down.  Who all's gonna be at founder's day?

Wow, this'as all been kinda random, okay, well I guess that's about all.

My quote for the entry:  'Ignorance is bliss.'  some things I've experienced lately have me firmly convinced of this.  As I put it, Happiness is the province of the undereducated.  You can believe the best in the world, until you've seen how it really is.  Think about it, when are you most happy?  When you're preoccupied and temporarily ignorant of the outside world.  Watching those arround me seeming so happy, while I can barely keep tears from my eyes due to some news I got the other day.  A part of me wants to go back to ignorance, but I value my knowledge too much.  It's all I've got, I'm not strong or athletic, good looking or popular; my knowledge is all I have, and I refuse to give it up, even for happiness.